(Note: This post originally ran on March 20, 2009.)
In the life of every straight man and bi-curious woman, regardless of education level or mental capacity, there will inevitably come a day when they find themselves chuckling at (or attracted to) inanimate objects that look like boobs. Municipal engineers apparently like to fuck with us on this one.
There’s the ode to 1970s cement and silicone off a bland stretch of SoCal I-5 that is the San Onofre (Calif.) Nuclear Generating Station (shown above).
And then there’s this:
Greenpoint (Brooklyn) Sewage Refinery Plant
A tad less blatant in design than the nuclear duo, the sludge digester knockers are topped with what appears to be some kind of NASA-designed, high-volume breast pump. As you can see, the pump’s operators have a nice view of the Empire State Building along with a not-so-nice view of the adjacent Smelly-Ass Newtown Creek, proud host of an oil spill that was three times the size of the Exxon Valdez one. Is this the first time a city has added extensive cosmetic touches to a sewage plant? No idea. But it received applause from a few architectural critics when it opened in 2007. “Community leaders” actually held a lighting ceremony, replete with intensely monotone speech-reading, for the thing.
We still say the San Onofre ones look healthier, if less realistic. In any event, we should look at the existence of both sets of luscious hooters/essential utilities as yet another testament to the coasts’ cultural superiority over the flyover states (you really think these make it out of the planning stage in Topeka?!?). It’s also another opportunity for Fox News to point out that we’re rapidly devolving into Europeans.
A portion of the DCQ team is currently en route to Greece for a month long sabbatical. You may ask, how can he vacation for a whole month, and not lose his esteemed position as a DCQ contributor? Well, he’s just that smooth. And also, he’s promised to provide some Greek-related posts during his travels. Enjoy some ouzo for us, buddy.
Something led us to that old Dr. Dre/Tupac “California Love” video the other day — you know, the apocalyptic one where they’re running around in rags and ramshackle Hummers, all early Gibson-like? We couldn’t help but admire the stylistic shout-outs (ha! get it? hip-hop reference) they squeeze in there: Aside from the obvious overriding Mad Max trilogy theme, the video opens with vintage Chris Tucker doing his 5th Element thing (you know, the outerspace-crackhead schtick he used to land more lucrative gigs playing comic relief to Jackie Chan’s unintentional straight man) and is followed with a scene lifted from The Warriors before descending into full Road Warrior mode; this later tiptoes quietly into Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome territory when they move to sweeping aerial shots of the stars rapping inside a, yes, Thunderdome. The whole video’s simply fantastic, but why waste it on “California Love?” I know Australian apocalypse-themed jams don’t usually chart, but still: “California Love” is one of the few songs that actually warrants your classic mid-90s rap video — you know, 64s, Cristal, ladies in thongs, egregious materialism, guest spots by other definitively regional rappers.
Byrne and Mogwai Catherine Zeta-Jones and corgi dogs are no longer the only worthwhile things to come out of Scotland Wales: Today, SFGate introduced to the non-paying American mainstream Simon Dale, a woodsman of sorts who built an earthen yurt/hobbit barn/mudhut for him and his clan as a big “fick oof” to conventional residential building norms and Western consumerism. Dale and another Scot Welshman or two slapped it together in three months for less than $5,000. No mortgage, no neighbors, no meter maids and no Trainspotting bathroom scenes (AGAIN!? Really, is there a difference? Is there?!?) more lamenting Christian Bale’s abandonment of his native accent every time a Terminator ad comes on.
And on a minor yet essential side note, it’s come to our attention that a significant portion of our fanboys and girls, as well as members of the more general public, are under the impression that the aforementioned Welsh dog breed is pronounced “cor-ghee,” and thus flaunts one of the English language’s few relative consistencies (see: bunGEE/GEE whiz/GIZZmaster). Also, according to the omniscient canine authority The Westminster Kennel Club, ‘corgi’ means ‘dwarf dog’ in Welsh. I had begun to construct an impassioned criticism of the corgi creator’s choice of nomenclature, because everyone knows abnormally tiny creatures with disproportionate limbs and heads are technically considered ‘midgets,’ when I learned through the endless miracle of Wikipedia that I had the dwarf/midget distinction backwards. Of substantially more use was my discovery that the term “midget,” a leftover from the glory days of the circus freak, is now considered taboo. Instead, one should refer to the small-statured by using “dwarf, “little person,” “LP,” or, as the Little People of America suggest, “their name.”
In the life of every man and lesbian, regardless of education level or mental capacity, there will inevitably come a day when you find yourself chuckling at (or attracted to) inanimate objects that look like boobs. Municipal engineers apparently like to fuck with us on this one.
There’s the ode to 1970s cement and silicone off a bland stretch of SoCal I-5 that is San Onofre (Calif.) Nuclear Generating Station (shown above).
and then there’s this:
Greenpoint (Brooklyn) Sewage Refinery Plant
A tad less blatant in design than the nuclear duo, the sludge digester knockers are topped with what appears to be some kind of NASA-designed, high-volume breast pump. As you can see, the pump’s operators have a nice view of the Empire State Building along with a not-so-nice view of the adjacent Smelly-Ass Newtown Creek, proud host of an oil spill that was three times the size of the Exxon Valdez one. Is this the first time a city has added extensive cosmetic touches to a sewage plant? No idea. But it received applause from a few architectural critics when it opened in 2007. “Community leaders” actually held a lighting ceremony, replete with intensely monotone speech-reading, for the thing.
I still say the San Onofre ones look healthier. In any case, we should look at the existence of both sets of luscious hooters/essential utilities as yet another testament to the coasts’ cultural superiority over the flyover states (you really think these make it out of the planning stage in Bumfuck, Oklahoma???). It’s also another opportunity for Fox News to point out that we’re rapidly devolving into Europeans.
