Sean Kingston: “Yo Diddy. Heard yeh lost ya $20K pinkie ring the otha day, mon.”
P. Diddy: “Yeah, SK, down at the BET studios. I was making it rain fake paper when it flew into the crowd. We put the shit on lockdown and patted everyone down, but shit was gone. One a those kids in the audience took it, no doubt. LOL.”
“Hey, ya no cry over spilt milk, mon. Ya know I lost me 64-crayon diamond necklace a few years back? The one cost $500,000?”
“Oh, for real?”
“Ya mon, Me sister, me own flesh-an-blood, mailed it to me, but it never come. She even take out insurance on deh package!”
“Oh yeah? So you cool then, huh? How much you covered for?”
“500.”
“500 grand?”
“No. $500.”
“Oh.”
“Ya mon.”
(silence)
“But after, me stahted thinkin’…me thinkin’ ‘twas the devil made me buy dat necklace. The devil lyin’ down to sleep een deh 64 different colors.”
“Yeah?”
“Ya.”
(silence)
“And what’s more, I was thinkin’ of gettin’ rid of it anyhow. Too twinkly. An’ Walgreens comin’ out with a 112-crayon set soon as well, so me considerin’ an upgrade.”
“Wait, you modeled the thing after the generic crayon set? You ain’t heard of Crayola?!”
“What you mean, ‘Crayola’? That like Walgreens for poor people?”
“Never mind. Well yo, I appreciate you calling me up. Holla at me next time you do Madison Square.”
“Ya KNOW I will, Puff.”
“Don’t call me Puff.”
“Ah, right, Diddy, me mistake…you got a lot a names to remembah, ya know!?”
“Haha, yeah, you right. I got more names than you got crayons. LOL.”
“Not funny, mon.”
“You know I’m playin. LOL.”
“Why you keep saying ‘LOL’? It don’t mean nothing ‘less you typin’ it. And even in that context it’s basically devoid of value — it’s essentially a social tick with little to no substantive meaning. A filler word, as they say, akin to ‘well’ or ‘y’know.’”
“Yo, what happened to your accent?”
“Um.”
